Has everybody seen this bit of news? Sony to Pay $1.5M Over Fake Movie Critic. One point five million? Hell, I'd be willing to say great things about their movies in an articulate, convincing fashion for less than half that amount! I'll do it right now:

Hollow Man
There's nothing hollow about this Hollow Man! Finally, what we've all been waiting for...a movie about invisible animals! What a nail-biter!! Best movie of the century! Citizen Who? Kevin Bacon is an Oscar shoe-in!

See what I mean? I never even saw Hollow Man. But at least I'm a real person. Just by actually existing, I could've saved Sony a million bucks! (I even found nice things to say about Boat Trip — "post-modern romp," to be exact (but that's only because I was really high at the time)).

Also, I just read the Koreans have now cloned a dog. Name of "Snuppy." Nickname: "Yummy." Za-zing!! Watch for that hack joke on Leno tonight.

My P&S has been faxed.

My agent called yesterday morning to tell me they signed my P&S. I almost spit up my coffee. Instead, I decided to further milk the gag at his expense:

"They signed my P&S?"
"Sure did."
"Tell me, about my P&S. Was it longer than most?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, it seemed longer. I've looked at quite a few P&S's and mine definitely looked longer."
"Well, it may have been a little longer..."
"So my P&S is longer than other peoples'?"
"I suppose your P&S is longer. What with all the contingencies..."
"I never had my P&S signed before. Once, when I broke my arm, I had everybody sign my cast. But never my P&S."
"Well, there's a first time for everything."
"Never broke my P&S."
"I'm sorry?"
"Never mind. Good news, the P&S signing?"
"Great news. We're one step closer. Now I just have to fax your P&S over to the bank."
"Sounds exciting. I can't tell you how good it feels, knowing my P&S is being faxed."
"Not at all. That's what I'm here for."